Tuesday, June 28, 2011

05 - Sticking Your Hand out of the Window

The boys had alot fun doing this! I waited until I knew I would be on a road where we could go fast (like speed limit fast, of course). I assumed they had probably already done this, but they just laughed and thought it was great how hard the wind pushed against their hands!

Yes, I drove the speed limit, no I was *not* the photographer, and yes, the baby spent a few minutes screaming "meeeee toooooo!" from his carseat in the middle :)

28 - Climb a Tree

Tell Gavin & Mikey to go outside and you'll find them in a tree. This was a super-tame climb right out our front door.

This tree affords them a little more danger - if you can find them in there.

Dangerous? Yeah, I suppose it is. Are you letting your kids climb high?

04 - Kiss Hello like the French

Dangerous? I don't think so, maybe if you didn't get permission from your partner! The kids did not know that this was customary in many places in the world for both old and new acquaintences.

01 - Lick a 9-volt Battery

Why? 50 Dangerous Things (you should let your kids do)

Gavin had actually done this before, Mikey had not, Ethan would not and I told them they were not to go near the baby!

The book gave a good description of the sensation and why it happens. Then it suggested chewing on a wad of aluminum foil, which did not seem to gross out anyone but me. There is also low voltage currency involved.

Dangerous? The kids seemed to think so, I didn't - I had let them do it before. Would you let your kids do this? 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Ethan's Story

16 years ago I had my first baby. A baby boy who who weighed 4 lbs. 9 oz., had terrible Apgar scores and took several minutes to find his breath. A baby who heard these first words from his mother, "Oh, you look a little like E.T.!"

He was whisked away leaving two young parents to stare at each other, wondering what had just happened.

Just as we had learned in our Bradley Method Birthing Classes, should the worst happen, I sent Dennis to follow the baby and leave me to the nurses. He came back nodding affirmations that the baby was fine and telling me that they would bring him to me soon. There were 48 hours in which we did not suspect that something was different about our precious newborn son. We followed the normal routine of a baby who is struggling to adjust to the outside world, visited the nursery, tried (many times in vain) to feed him, and allowed them to draw yet more blood. On the third day came the fateful words, "we suspect your baby has Down syndrome." Although Dennis knew this truth from the moment he saw Ethan's little head emerge, he assured me that 'they' were wrong and that everything would turn out fine. 'They' were right, and everything would turn out fine.

I participated in a club in Junior High called "The Special Olympics Club" where I helped to organize and attended a dance for the special education students. My buddy for the dance was J.J., a sweet-faced, slightly rotund boy with Down syndrome that smelled like Ivory soap. He was quirky, joyful and very easy to be around. I would later see him in the hallways at school, and if no one was looking, would give him a pat on the shoulder and a quick hello.

When I was 14 years old, I came home from school one day to watch CBS Afterschool Movie. The movie was entitled "Jonathon: the boy nobody wanted". The movie moved me to tears followed by the naive, but heartfelt prayer, "Please God, if you ever need someone to take care of a baby boy with Down syndrome, pick me, I will love him."

During high school, I had Sunday School teachers who had a beautiful, baby boy with Down syndrome. He was a chubby, towheaded boy who made the rounds on everyone's lap in class before we were done. I watched him grow into an adorable toddler and a grade-schooler who still found pleasure in Barney and Raffi and his beloved sisters.

When we were 20, and Dennis and I had already decided that getting married would be alot of fun, I felt like I needed to inform him of my penchant towards these kids. "Dennis", I said, "when we are older, like 40, and are settled and have some money, I would like to adopt a baby with Down syndrome. I need you to know this." Dennis said that was just fine.

Weaving it's way through my life, was a thread that would ultimately draw us to the birth of our baby. If only I could have held tightly to that thread and use it steady myself during those first tenuous months and years. Instead, I felt myself dangling from that thread in a precarious adjustment to being the mother of a baby with special needs.

I wish I could tell you that I recognized that many of my life experiences had, in fact, been leading up to this moment, and that I could embrace all the specialness of being charged with a child who was going to need more of me than I even knew existed at the age of 22. I wish I had the maturity to give credence to the little voice that kept extolling the virtues of a child who was deemed less-than-perfect to the world - although perfect to God and us.

We had no stability, no money, very little in the way of communication skills, a sick child, we were young - we had an awful lot going against us. But sometimes, love really is all you need.

I struggled to find him great doctors, people who would listen, therapists who had lots of experience with babies with DS, the right formula, vitamins, medicines, toys, and anything else that would be a part of his life. Nothing went unquestioned, nothing was taken for granted. He changed the very core of who I was. My intense love for him was coupled with the intense fear that I would make decisions for him that were less than optimal. The overwhelming feeling of being given something really important to do was always tempered by my conern about whether I could live up to the challenge.

Dennis and I were gifted by God, with total acceptance for who Ethan was. We never wished he was not a baby with Down syndrome. We did pray that he would not be so sick, that we could provide all that he needed and that he would develop to the best of his abilities, but we never wished he was anyone else other than him. We never wondered what Ethan would be like without DS, to us, there was no Ethan without DS, it was every ounce of his being, literally in every chromosome.

Ethan was the glue that held us together, the common fight, always loved, even at his hardest. There were many hard weeks, months and years. Many difficult situations, not one I would trade for something less intense. The cliche of the "lows being lower, but the highs being higher" fits how we feel about what we have been through. You cannot know the gifts found on this road unless you have walked it.

If I could journey back 16 years and give myself some some advice, I might just walk right by and not say a word. Because every mistake, pitfall, trial, and hard time forged the structure of who we are. I wouldn't want to tip me off to all the unexpected joys either! It all pointed us toward God, the people we needed to meet, the places we needed to be, and the 3 other boys we have been blessed to have and fit it all together like a jigsaw puzzle.

Happy Birthday, Ethan, we are so proud to be your parents, thankful we have to oppotunity to spend our life with you, and grateful that you were the gift we received 16 years ago today.

P.S. Ethan was born the day the New Jersey Devils won their first Stanley Cup - just as his father had predicted 8 months earlier.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Kitchen Remodel - The 6th and Final Chapter

The old kitchen
That was it. The whole thing. This was what I was using to feed a family of six three meals a day, make homemade playdo and do Costello Chemistry (I mean, homeschool science projects). If the kitchen is the heart of the home,we were in sore need of cardiac rehab.

Here is what we have been blessed with after the blood, sweat and tears - and that, I can say in good conscience.

This is exact same shot as the 'before' above.

It has form and function! There is plenty of food and gadget storage and cooking and cleaning have never been so efficient. It is comfortable, bright and makes it so easy to all be together in the space, which is so important in a little house. Ethan loves to color at the breakfast bar while Dennis is watching sports, while the baby builds blocks on the floor, while I, you know, cook & clean stuff.

I was going to wait to take these pics until the permits could be pulled off the windows and I got some curtains. I was going to wash the dishes and shine up the stainless steel surfaces. Then I decided against it.

May this kitchen always have footprints on the floor, because it means I have healthy kids running around on it, may there always be a sink full of dishes, because it means we have meals to share, may there always be handprints on the glass door, and smudges on the counters, and crumbs under the chairs - because it means we are using this space in the way that it was meant to be used - not pretending it's page in a magazine.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Homeschool Field Day

We are involved with a homeschool group that provides us all with tons of opportunities to make friends, take trips together, participate in classes (if that's your 'thing'), and have a whole lot of fun. This week we hosted 'field day' for the kids. I think it was a total success.

races of all kinds

card games

good, old fashioned sack races

child-organized kickball game

this game took place in the pouring rain

There were big kids, little kids, moms & dads, and old friends. I never heard mention of the fact that it was pouring, not even from the littlest. What a hearty bunch! There was homemade food, salads of every kind, chips, dips, salsas (plural!) and lots of yummy confections. There was no sign up sheet, no one was told what to bring - it all just came together the way it was meant to be.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Why it's good to have a brother.

There is always someone to...

share your super powers
make sure you don't fall

play you a tune
size you up
share your lunch
be your sparring partner
be your posse

give you a bite

hold you tight

be your right hand man
 "For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up" ~ The Bible, Ecclesiastes 4:10