Christmas and Then Some

Christmas was nice, really nice. Not too many places to run off too and visits with both friends and family.

Christmas Tree decorating

A sword fight with Pop-pop

Luminary-enhanced caroling in the park - complete with a visit from Santa

Confirmation of Santa's visit

The excitement of opening gifts

Playing with new toys

Lots to learn about throwing knives

Enjoying yet another car book

Keva Planks - a huge hit with everyone

That mandatory photo op

drinking from the good china

There has been some bowling and ice skating and tons of movies. But now, Sean is very sick and I am pretty sick. It seems like the flu. I hope for a quick recovery and worry about who's next - and I hope what's in this pot can cure what ails us.

I fear that whatever this is will ruin New Year's Eve and that really stinks because I LOVE New Year's Eve!

Baking and Building Boys

While I am too busy this week, I am trying to devise ways to keep The Boyz busy - does that make sense? I'm too busy and they're not busy enough!

One of my favorite activities to encourage the boys to engage in is 'following directions'. I don't care what activity it is, as long as there is a process of independently following written directions, a video, a recipe, or a schematic.

From the earliest ages, I look for toys that present lots of these opportunities. Some of my favorite commercial toys are Lego Products, K'nex, Rokenbok and Keva Planks.

I have 'heard' some discussion on the internet lately about building products that are geared especially for girls. Lego also introduced sets appealing to girls.  I know there are innate and biological differences that affect what boys and girls are drawn to and excel at, but maybe sometimes parents just don't think to bring lots of building toys into a house of girls - if you haven't - why not get some? Yes, Dennis and I bought baby dolls, kitchen sets, and dollhouses into the house from the time Ethan was a toddler. Some things were played with, others were hit on the head with tools ;)

Learning to follow directions is a progressive skill, so I start small - when they are small.

Lego 'Mosaics'

 Building on these skills get you bigger and better creations - with motors!

K'Nex

'Screamin' Serpent'

Another great way to follow someone else's directions is on youtube or Instructables. Recently, Gavin found several videos that explain how to 'modify' his Nerf guns for better function, different ammunition and further distances. He has created paper Ninja Stars, a functioning paper crossbow, learned origami, and countless other skills from online sources.

Another great way to introduce and refine 'direction following' is to provide them with recipes. It is construction of a totally different kind! I love that they need to develop attention to detail and can contribute a loaf of bread to dinner. 

'Amish White Bread'

This is one of those times that I realize this is a skill I completely lack myself. I get halfway through a project only to realize I don't have all the equipment and leave ingredients out recipes. But that does not mean I cannot help them to surpass my shortcomings - I will continue to point them in directions to seek these skills for themselves. 

Just for the record - some of these toys and sets can be very pricey. I obtain almost all of them from thrift shops and various resales. Also knowing what types of items I want for the boys, I have asked for them as gifts over the years - so don't let $$ get in the way of your fun! Build on.

Dreary

Dark, dank, depressing, forlorn, melancholy and dreary. The thesaurus is no help finding words that explain the feelings of this morning. 

I was in the Crayola Factory with my own children on Friday. A place full of rainbows and color when I started to hear the news. My heart started sinking and my mind started racing. I was incredibly sad, but again, words really escape me as to what the true emotion is.

Ethan's school has been in lock down before. It was late in the day when a local bank was robbed and the armed assailant was unable to be apprehended. A bus driver in the parking lot ready to pick up the children felt that she saw a person walking through the woods surrounding the school. We received a call that the drill had begun of turning out lights, seating children away from windows and other safety measures were enacted. It was of course very scary, but comforting to know that Ethan was in his 'element' with people who knew and loved him and were prepared to follow FBI instructions until the area was clear. It took longer than we would have liked to get the call that everyone was safe and the kids were permitted onto their buses. It is so hard to think of the parents on Friday who did not get that call. 

I hear lots of discussion about mental health stemming from this incident. I have sought psychiatric help for a child of my own - only to find dead ends and little help or understanding or competent care. I have been with friends as the recommendation to call law enforcement for a police escort to the local emergency room, that was not well-equipped to help a child, was the only solution given. I have watched a friend go to a mental health facility to pick up a child who was no more well than he was 7 days before because that is what the insurance company covered. I grew up with a friend who's brother was mentally ill from anyone's earliest memory. I watched as she developed coping mechanisms to keep herself safe when he was out of control. I watched as his parents sought every type of intervention for him - from psychiatrists to schools, boot camps to religious counsel - but ultimately the family was responsible for keeping him, my friend their family and the community at large safe. Their most peaceful time in life was when he was incarcerated for aiming a gun at a police officer. He sadly remains an untreated adult.

My sister and I discussed what is was like to send our children off to school this morning, and we discussed how it feels to let them go. This incident just brings up a general feeling of lack of safety, which I wonder if there is a cure for right now. Praying is what helps me.  

All of the information swirls in my head causing conflict and confusion, but each and every time I feel that, I am reminded that there are families who are having to bury children and family members and I can hardly breathe. I have parties to plan for, cards to mail, cookies to make and presents to wrap and buy and it all seems to have less meaning than it did 72 hours ago.

I am trying to figure out what I would change in my own life if today were my last day. As depressing as that is, I feel it is a worthy exercise. I need to wash dishes and prepare food, do laundry and sweep floors. I need to attend to questions and quarrels and the exuberance of the boys I spend every day with. I am a wife and mother, a friend, a daughter and a sister. Last week these things seemed mundane and routine. Today, these activities seem somehow holy, and somehow sacred. Is that the message?

A Little Mess

It's dark and late - you know the time. The couch is calling and so are these guys. 15 hours ago I got up and got started, and at this juncture, I am soooooo ready to call it a day. I am then faced with a dilemma prompted by this scene.

It's not terrible. A regular mess - nothing interesting. But the question looms - to clean or not to clean!

I tell myself that I can do it in the morning. I tell myself it's time to sit down and I secretly hope that fairies will come clean it up.Then I try the experiment that I often employ when there is something I hate to do - I time it. I dislike switching laundry from the washer to the dryer and starting up a new load - I do not allow myself to put clothes into baskets, because they will stay there, so I need to fold what comes out of the dryer immediately. When I timed it, it takes under 5 minutes! Unreal, all that fretting over a few minutes. Same with unloading the dishwasher - 9 minutes. Now I know. 

This spot is really the hub of the kitchen - starting the day with a disaster puts me behind the minute I wake up. It would be such a gift if I could wake up and start fresh. So I give that gift - to myself.

Dishwasher loaded, pots washed, dried and put away, counters wiped and coffee pot filled and ready for the morning - 17 minutes. 17 minutes to a better morning, less work and a clean slate. Leave it or clean it - what do you do?

Disney Trip - Part 2

We ventured into our first Disney Park the following morning - Animal Kingdom. It is a park filled with a fantastic collection of exotic animals, Broadway-caliber shows and an array of rides and experiences. 

We really loved the Wild Safari ride - it was like we were in Animal Planet! We were lucky enough to get the truck that got stuck behind a giraffe and then a kudu fighting an ostrich. 

I knew we weren't on an true African safari - but I was eager to employ the Willing Suspension of Disbelief.

At the beginning of the day, Gavin ran into Molay, an artisan in the African section of the park. Disney prides itself on the authenticity of their craftsmen. Gavin peppered him with questions about the tool he was using, what other tools he uses, where he gets them, how he sharpens them, who taught him to use them and does he know when he sees a piece of wood what it will be. He was a talented artist with the patience of a saint.

He told Gavin how he sees animals in the wood before he starts - this wood was clearly a crocodile. He told us how he came to work at Disney. Gavin insisted on coming back to his stand every time we were in the vicinity, which did get a little frustrating, because really what he wanted to do was stay there, in front of Molay, until the crocodile was done. But there was other stuff to be done. 

We saw two shows that were really amazing. One was an abbreviated version of Nemo that the family enjoyed immensely. The scale and detail Disney employs is spectacular.

The Lion King Show was a great production. We were seated front row, center and Mikey was chosen to participate. I wish I got better pictures, but to see Mikey shaking his little instrument and just loving it brought tears to my eyes. I've been told that is a 'Disney Moment'!

Disney treats Guests with Disabilities extraordinarily well. Guest Services issued us an assistance card at the beginning of our stay that allowed our family certain accommodations. One of the benefits was not waiting in lines. We were ushered to the front of each and every line. On some of the longer lines, we were brought through the 'FastPass' gate which usually meant we waited a total of 5-10 minutes. For our family, this makes an unbelievable difference. We simply would have missed most of the park if not for this generous benefit. Due to Ethan's autism, he is unpredictable and easily overwhelmed. If things don't go his way, his coping mechanisms are not good (have you seen Rain Man?) If we were required to wait in a line for 60 minutes, it would be completely plausible to have waited for 45 minutes only to have him freak out and demand to be taken out of the line - I know, we've had very hard things happen in other venues. He would have missed everything and his brothers certainly would have paid the price. 

Knowing that Disney would extend us such courtesies to us helped make the decision to go and spend the kind of money that we did. Believe me when I say it would have been an impossible trip without the extra help. We were even given priority viewing areas for the parades - I felt like a movie star.

At the end of the day, with not a moment to spare, Gavin ran through the park to meet up with Molay - he found him locking up and leaving. He told Gavin that he was worried that he was not coming back. But in the end, Gavin was the proud owner of a beautifully carved crocodile and had a wonderful experience with the artist - I really think it is a souvenir that will remain dear to him. 

It was exciting, fun and a bit stressful. I have heard from people that you have to 'learn' to 'do Disney'! Yikes, this was probably the trip of a lifetime and we had to learn on the fly. A little bickering never hurt The Costellos.

 "I don't like formal gardens. I like wild nature. It's just the wilderness instinct in me, I guess."

~Walt Disney

In Case you missed Part 1

We're Back - In More Ways Than One

I never planned on abandoning my blog. I've done it before - left a big gap because 'real life' took such twists and turns that I just couldn't steel myself against it's force to sit down and plink out a couple of lines about what was actually happening. 

Right before Halloween, we left for our much awaited trip to Disney World. I was obsessing about what a difficult trip it could be. I cannot wait to share out trip with you, but the time is not now. I meant to blog about it as it was happening, but circumstances changed our priorities.

Upon our arrival to Florida, in our home state of NJ, friends and family were being hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. I cannot imagine what they went through weathering this storm. I have heard stories of hundreds of popping transformers, fires, cracking trees, falling wires, flooding and terrifying winds. I was really strange to be so far away. I know that many of you reading this were suffering.

I was incredibly thankful, that because of Ethan's car accident, our trip was moved and we happened to be safely sheltering in sunny Florida. I know it would have been really difficult for us to be home in the midst of it. It was hard to be happy for my immediate family while the storm raged. Due to our tight ties to social networking and the fact that we remained connected to the internet through the entire thing, we were able to stay constantly connected. That was a very distracting and disconcerting thing. 

I worried about people, places and things. I worried about our family, our house, and our neighborhood - all while visiting Animal Kingdom. When I should have been present with my kids, I had my phone in front of my face way too much. I just had to know what was happening. 

Our house was spared any physical damage, but our neighborhood ended up looking like a war zone. No one we knew had power, essentials that they needed, and gas was impossible to get. I think if you did not experience it - you can only understand it so much. I was floating in a pool, feeling warm and relaxed, guilty and helpless. 

An interesting facet is that because our internet connection was not interrupted, we were able to pass on info that other people could not access. I knew more about support our town was offering than those still trapped in town. We were able to be helpful in only that way. My neighbor moved our rabbit, secured items in our yard and generally watched out for our house. My mother eventually went and emptied the rotting food from our fridge and freezer. Others gave us advice about not returning home as our vacation was coming to an end, so we tacked two additional days onto the end of our trip. 

We knew that we were returning to no power, no heat, no food, no gas and it was a mad dash to figure out to assimilate to our new surroundings. My mother purchased a generator for us, we order a cord of wood and had it dropped on the front lawn and stocked up on gas cans and propane heaters in Florida. Weird. 

We pulled into town to darkness and snow and an open pizza parlor. Once fed, we headed back to our house. We spent two hours passing out flashlights, lighting candles, starting a fire, moving furniture, planning sleeping arrangements and boiling water as we had been told it helped the air temperature. Two hours into our 'ordeal' our power snapped back to life! The only thing is, the rest of our street and neighborhood or our friends, or family did not. Again, we were grateful and blessed, but sad and desperate for everyone else. 

We commenced with offering what we could to who we could. Food and heat and a place to charge a phone. This storm really had a way of snapping into sharp focus what is really important - I'd love to know what you found that to be. 

We still have friends without power. We know people who have sustained significant damage to their homes and belongings and those who lost vehicles. We know people who need homes for beloved pets. We have seen photos and video of our favorite beaches washed, literally, into the ocean.

My hope, for now, is that we can be a small part of helping those in front of us and then part of the larger effort to restore NJ to it's pre-storm state. I hope life gets back to some semblance of 'normal' for you and yours and me and mine.

Polygamy or Cloning?

My kids each need their own mother. I think each of them could keep a mother busy, meeting their needs and addressing their issues on a full-time basis.

I mean, Sean's 3, right? His energy level and curiosity are competing for high scores. He would like for me to read to him for hours on end. His attention span is such that setting up the paint and the playdough sometimes seems to take longer than he enjoys them. He loves games and wants a competent player to compete with. He would like to visit the park everyday, usually when his brothers would prefer to be doing something else. Same with toddler time. He wants juice, Xbox, to bake cookies and for me to sing him a song - now! He's all needs...all the time. 

How about Mikey whose favorite mantra is 'what should I do now?'. He needs a cruise director extrordinaire. He likes focused attention, workbooks, and games. He can't find what he's looking for. He needs help picking out 3 good books for him to choose from.  He wants set up with music to listen to, books he can read, and projects he can work on. He wants Sean to not mess up what he's tying to do. Mikey needs lots of reminders, directions, lists and more reminders and to know where his favorite Star Wars guy is - now!

Gavin wakes up with questions about whether animals have souls or not. Did I hear about 'that guy' on the news? He wants to know what I know about the Gold Standard and the Federal Reserve and where he can find more information. Who else is running for president besides the usually suspects, what's for lunch, and do I want to play a game without Mikey & Sean? He needs documentaries about WWII and the rise of The Third Reich, and to know how long will it take me to decide if he can read The Killing of Osama Bin Laden. He wants to know where he can he find more cardboard and tape. Gavin loves to narrate entire conversations to a willing audience - me!

Ethan needs full time surveillence. He also needs a manager for all the chargers of his electronics. He wants AutaBuy to publish as a daily magazine and for me to find it - even if it means we stop at two 7-11s and several Quik Checks to find the right edition. We wants more Hot Wheels cars - now! He needs to download several songs and apps on an emergent basis. He needs to go to the store for one more coloring book and a Coke - you guessed it - now!

My kids are interesting, challenging and unique. But all four of them together are a force to be reckoned with. If I had to deal with each of them to the exclusion of their brothers - it might not be so bad - but right now their demands overwhelm me and I think I need a sister wife or a clone or three. Help! I'm sinking.

Why Go Do Freaky Things?

I enjoy strange attractions like Ripley's Believe It Or Not and The Mutter Museum. Destinations and pit stops brought to my attention by Roadside America and Weird NJ and Geocaching thrill me. I am interested in the odd and off-beat. I also enjoy passing on my penchant for the weird to my kids.

I recently took Gavin and my niece to see David Blaine stand on a podium, covered in metal chainmaille, the target of 7 Tesla Coils producing 1 million volts of electricity. Gavin pointed out that people who went and saw Houdini perform his stunts, didn't know he would become an icon - or die doing one of his famed stunts! Good point - so we went.

Why go? Why spend the effort and energy and often $$ to see these things?

The Journey

Whether we are headed to a big city or the middle of the country, I just like the process of going somewhere. When we visit NYC, if we are not in a rush, I have enjoyed trying to master the subway system. I don't mind a long car ride and always manage to find other unintended spots of interest. I like finding a new spot to spread a picnic blanket. Getting there really is half the fun.

The Excitement

It's fun to have something to be excited about. Going in search of an obscure landmark or a freaky tombstone (yep!) has a way of breaking up the mundane. I find it interesting to read about something, see pictures of it and then actually get there.  The idea of hearing about something and then seeing the real thing can be really fun.

'Back here you can see her booty and the baby's booty!'

Bragging Rights 

Just being able to say 'Been there, done that!' is great. We are slowly ticking off statues in Central Park as we visit. Lots of people visit for the usual stuff, but I want to make sure we've seen Balto, Alice in Wonderland, The Tempest and Christopher Columbus. There are also lots of 'secret spots' in Central Park'. 

This is not a 'secret' spot - this is strawberry fields, a tribute to the late John Lennon

Of all the people who come in and out of Union Station in Washington DC every day, how many know that the roman soldiers that seem to stand guard had to be reconstructed to add the shields they hold today because the were deemed obscene due to their very conspicuous cod pieces (that you can still see if you can stand just at the right angle - which we did).

Will you be able to say that you've been in St. Joseph's Catacombs, Lucy the Elephant or the wax museum? How about participating in the crowd that stands outside the GMA show?

Educational Value

What?! How can wacky spots across our state and others be 'educational'. When my kids see new things they ask new questions. Because of some of the places we've visited, my kids have investigated interests like electricity and magnets, JFK's assassination, watched countless documentaries (most recently about owning exotic animals), compasses and sundials, art mediums, robotic surgery, the Mayans and Egyptians, anime, lighthouses and other topics. We've seen shruken heads, terracotta warriors, a collection of automata, The Dead Sea Scrolls, the country's first lifeboats, more than a few 9/11 memorials, spots that famous early Americans died in duels and plenty of other obscure items of intrigue.

Why view great works of art? Why watch sporting events? Why shop for clothes or listen to music or watch movies for that matter? Some of these I 'get', and some I don't - mostly don't.

So, do what it is that you like to do, because that's part of what makes life what it is. While you're doing that, I'll be looking for The World's Largest Frying Pan.

Dear Ms. Over-Reaction,

That was some scene you made in the supermarket. 

After chasing me down by yelling in a panic-sticken voice, "excuse me, you can't leave your young children unattended in the car!" you still refused to listen to reason. Even when I explained that one of my children was nearly twelve and completely capable of caring for his brother (who is not 2 as his size indicates) for 10 minutes, you continued your rant, nice and loud so that bystanders could get involved. 

You were so confident and self-righteous as you yelled about how 'the law says you can't do that'. Even when I told you that you were incorrect, and although I truly appreciated your concern - you continued. Again, I explained that my child was nearly 12 years old and capable of being issued a 'Babysitting Certification' from the Red Cross, was currently CPR/First Aid Certified and was very experienced in caring for his brother. I explained that the children had, in fact, asked to wait instead of traipsing through the store.

Your response to two happy children safely left for 10 potential minutes in a cool, locked car - call 911?! Really?! Part of me wishes that I could have stood around and debated this with you and the soon-to-arrive police officers. I would have enjoyed them telling you that there is, in fact, no law against it. But my kids would not have liked it. Police involvement would have upset them and would have been pretty traumatic - unlike being allowed to quietly play their Nintendo DSs together in the car.

 I told Gavin why we were leaving the parking lot. He said that he thought it was ironic how many times I told him to just come in the store with me - not because I was less than completely confident in his abilities to remain carefully in the car  - but because someone might call the cops on them waiting in the car. He said he hardly believed it could happen.

So this week, as you recount how you saved two poor, neglected children from certain bodily harm and injury, I'll be around, making my kids confident and competent to handle the world around them. I'll be teaching them to cook on the hot stove and allowing them to cross the street. I'll be preparing them to spend some time home alone and cut with really sharp knives. I will teach them to think for themselves and to remain confident in their own abilities and how to deal with those who would have them believe that they can't. 

Sincerely, 

Ms. Still-Shaking-My-Head

P.S. I am not sorry for swearing.

Unhappy Traveller

Trip planning for us is new and fraught with stress and uncertainty.

There is so much to think about when traveling with the Costello Crew that it makes the thought of most trips daunting. The unpredictable is what I fear the most. We have already experienced it with our upcoming trip to Disneyworld. Our car is unavailable for an October 12 departure, as had originally been planned and paid for. It took lots of phone calls, fact finding, cost comparisons, negotiating, demanding and tireless mulling-over-of-the-situation to come to the decision to push the trip back an entire two weeks. We are very lucky that the rental house was available.

Yes, rental house. It is just not possible for the six of us to function happily or sanely in a hotel room. We will do best with just the right number of beds and bathrooms and the ability to make and/or take our own food. There is a certain routine to our function as a family, and that would be best supported by larger space - and a pool - so a house works great for us. We need space. 

Eating is always an issue. I dislike sitting in restaraunts, Ethan eats 4 foods, Gavin is a picky eater and Sean and Mikey are distractable. I can't just hope that all our needs will be met each time we need to eat and hope for the best. Budget is always an issue with so many of us, and most being growing boys. Even for food, I need to know the options and the alternatives.

Then there is the prospect of accidents, illnesses and injuries. I am not a cynic, I swear. It's just that they happen, and when you multiply it by the possibility of 4 kids (these kids) and pre-existing conditions, the odds are often not in my favor. Mikey's asthma is already acting up - I suspect it will be better in Florida - but we're not there yet. Ethan takes certain medications that are hard to manage. I need to know when we will run low, how many days it will take to get the prescription and if the medication will be in stock (because sometimes it's not). I can only refill them when I have a certain number of pills left. If this timing does not work out with the timing of our vacation, we will have to submit a special 'vacation' request with the insurance company and the pharmacy. Nothing like needing 'permission' to go on vacation.

Pools = ear infections and that has to be planned for. Gavin gets horribly car sick and that has to be planned for.

There is the wheelchair that we will need. Since Disney cannot promise us one at the gate, we are having one delivered to our rental house. Although Ethan is a big, strong boy, Down syndrome greatly affects muscle tone. With low muscle tone, everything is harder, like walking with weights on you. He will tire easily at a place with so much walking and that will cause him to behave really badly. I'd rather deal with the wheelchair than the alternative. 

I believe all these things are managable, and we do have it under control. We did great in Washington, DC in the Spring, and that was encouraging. But if I don't seem excited for this much anticipated (and saved for) trip, it's because right now it's all work and no play. 

Yes, I understand, that might not change much once we get there either.

Proselytizing Preschoolers in the Park

I forget that the world is devoid of most children between the hours of 8 and 3, because my world is full of them 24/7. I forget how obvious we are in public and there is no escaping it. In the post office, the supermarket, craft store and the park people ask why my kids are not in school. The park is the most conducive to longer conversations and this week alone I had three such experiences.

All the moms I spoke with asked me if it's o.k. to ask me a few questions. I am *always* open to conversations about homeschooling - I blog about it, talk about it, and hope to open up the idea of homeschooling to other families.

The first question I am asked is 'who tells me what to do' and 'what the school district helps me with'. New Jersey does not have any homeschooling requirements or guidelines which means several things. One is that you are free to home school as your philosophical beliefs and your children's educational needs lead you. In NJ, we have the freedom to use an entire continuum of methods. Those range from prepackage, ready-made, highly structured curriculum (there are probably hundreds of options for those) through a method termed Radical Unschooling. There is also every combination of options in between those and different choices for multiple kids in families and different methods at different times during many years of homeschooling.  The possibilities are limitless.

When your children are learning at home, in NJ, the local school district is not obligated to assist with anything. Home schooled children are not enrolled and therefore are not considered pupils. There is no requirement of reporting homeschooling intentions to a school district unless you are pulling them out of school. My kids have never been enrolled and the district would have no knowledge of them. There are also no testing requirements - so my kids are not required to take the NJASK or any other standardized tests.

People often ask how I know if my kids are on grade level and how do I know that they are. They are usually shocked to find out that I am not really interested in that. I usually give them this spiel. Some people are interested in that and there are ways to make sure you are in step with State Core Curriculum Standards, if you so desire - told you, there are unlimited ways of doing this!

Believe it or not, people ask me what I do about Phys. Ed. It is a crazy thought to me. The boys play roller hockey and attend Circus Arts School, they play outside, swing, climb, run, jump, hang, slide, and roll - everyday. They play basketball and kickball. They swim all summer and ski, snowboard and ice skate weekly in the winter. They wrestle just about every day ;) We hike together. I recently purchase them a FitDeck Jr. at their request - they are still asking for a chin up bar. I think Gym is covered!

Another question is how I can stand to be with my kids all day. I have to admit that this question confounds me. It's not that I don't get how kids can 'get' to you. It happens to me. I have always had my kids with me so I have always had chores to do, phones calls to make, books to read, paperwork to handle and errands to run. We have worked out a rhythm that works for all of us. They are used to it - I'm used to it. I am not 'with' them every second or the day. I tell them when I need some time to do things. Sometimes I just notice that we are in as many different rooms on as many different floors that this little house can provide. Quite frankly - I like these kids.

They always ask me if I like it. I really like it. I like how homeschooling has enhanced our life - it's a really good way to live, if you ask me, and someone did. I'm a 'homeschooling missionary' sharing my 'faith' in the park.

A Long Post About A Short Phone Call

Let me set the scene. Mikey and Gavin are gone with Dennis to a scout engagement with a hockey game to follow, Sean is sleeping and Ethan is happily entertained in the house. It's a pretty unique moment in time.

Although I usually go to every stinkin' things the boys do spectate most activities, I decided that I would stay home, clean out my garden, do some work in the yard, etc. So, with this knowledge I start to plan the next several hours. I should have known better. 

The phone rings and it's Dennis with a very simple request, 'can you please bring Mikey's hockey pants here, he forgot them.' Even as I type it, it sounds so simple. Almost nothing around here is simple. I ask what time it is and what time he needs the pants. I have 45 minutes to get hockey pants 5 minutes away.

Here's why it's not easy. 

Sean is asleep and waking him results in at least 20 minutes of truly pathetic crying and I pray that he will magically wake up before I have to resort to waking him.

I realize that if I drive Sean and Ethan to the park where the scouting event is, they will figure out it is an Ice Cream Social and will want stay and have ice cream - understandably. But I now have a dirt-streaked face and arms, pants that are cruddy, and my hands and nails look like I am a heavy machine operator. My hair is greasy and I stink. I know that I will have to get out of the car and know that I am going to have to clean myself up.

I inform Ethan that we need to bring Mikey his hockey pants and he informs me that he does not want to go by throwing a couple of empty DS Game boxes at me. Remember, one of Ethan's super-powers is his unrelenting negativity. I told him to quit the crap informed him that it was totally unacceptable to do that and to go get ready. He said no. 

Thank God, Sean woke up, but was no happier to hear that we were leaving the house as I had vehemently promised that he could play Wii as soon as he woke up. He screamed at me that I had lied to him let me know how disappointed he was. Please, Sean, get a shirt and some shoes. He said no.

Time is ticking and we are now down to 20 minutes. I raise my voice and plead with them to just get in the car. Then I realize that I have not yet located the pants and I could have just as easily left without them. Then, I turn to bribery. I told the two of them that if they would just get in the car, there would be ice cream. It had only a modest effect on them. But as I was putting the finishing touches on covering up just how dirty I was and locating the pants, I realized that they were waiting for me in the car. As I grab my keys and walk out the door I see that Sean is running around the back of our rental car (remember, we don't have our van) because his car seat as been relocated to Dennis' truck for my use. SH%&, D*&M, CR*P. Uh-oh. 

I call Dennis to tell him I don't have a car seat for Sean and he says, 'well, then, never mind, I'll try to get there.' I tell Ethan and Sean that we don't need to go after all and they both throw their own particular brand of temper tantrum in response to having their ice cream bribe rescinded. Clock is still ticking. 

I quickly form a plan to beg a car seat off of my neighbor and it works! I put the car seat in and away we go. I back out, make a left and proceed down our street. Then I call Dennis and ask him where the ice cream social is being held! Armed with all the info I need, and even the pants, I make it to our destination. Ethan had no socks (and that is just a bad look for him) Sean had no shoes and I was not pulling of my pseudo-clean routine too well.

Because I was already at the venue where the hockey game was, I had got to stay for that too. So much for my plans and so much for 'easy'.

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity.
The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”
— Winston Churchill

Autumnal Equinox

I concede. I give. I acknowledge that it is officially the first day of fall.

 

I know it's fall, because I emptied my 'leave-for-the-beach-in-a-minute-bag'. I pack it mid-June with all the necessities to make a 9 a.m. decision to leave for the hook with the boys. The usual fare is sunscreen, wipes, extra contacts, stashed money, goggles and sunglasses. As I cleaned it today, I found a packs of 1/2 eaten cookies, a processed package of 'Queso' dip, shells of various sizes, about a pound of sand, lots of plastic utensils and an empty bottle of sunscreen.

 

I know it's fall because the morning air is crisp, and although comfortable, it does not hold the promise of a hot, sun filled day that forces us to float in cool bodies of water - which I prefer to comfortable.

 

I know it's fall because classes, clubs and teams that we are involved with start up again and my calendar is busting with scribbles that send our family rushing in several different directions. Although the activities we pick are carefully selected for their value to our lives, they bring an abupt end to the question 'what should we do today?' 

 

I'll admit that fall is a pretty season. But, it still heralds winter and for that I will always hold it responsible. I will redeem this time wisely and use the seasonal weather as a backdrop to those scribbles on the calendar.

 

Fall will be fine.    

 

"Our fear of death is like our fear that summer will be short,

but when we have had our swing of pleasure, our fill of fruit,

and our swelter of heat, we say we have had our day."

- John Donne, 1620

Otherwise Known As Ethan Crashes The Car

Like accidents do, it happened quickly and unexpectedly. I was the first to hear the impact. I knew immediately it was the sickening smack of a car. I heard the scraping and crunching of plastic and glass. I was standing and running when I heard more smashing and crashing. In my mind, I was rushing to render aid in what sounded to me to be a bad car accident just outside a relative's house. I took a route through the house calling attention to what was happening outside.

As I pulled the front door opened, I could make out that it was my car settled on the the lawn and smashed deeply into and onto a family members beauitful new car. The engine was revving as if someone continued to press down on the accelerator. Somebody was, and that somebody was Ethan.

I knew it in an instant, but I froze. Dennis pushed past me and ran toward the car. Ethan continued to rev the engine and Dennis was furiously pounding on the window in an attempt to get him to stop.  I could hear Dennis yelling. I waited inside, assuming that there were family members helping Dennis. As Dennis tells it, Ethan finally took his foot off the gas, put the car into 'park' and unlocked the doors. I remember wanting to make sure that our other boys did not go out of the house, as I was not sure in what condition Ethan would exit the car. My heart was racing and I could not catch my breath. I began praying to God that he was ok -- I almost got on my knees in that instant -- but ended up pacing and hyperventilating (and praying) instead.

Ethan emerged shaking and crying and completely terrified. He was pale and hung his head low. I don't know if I hugged him or touched him or what I did, but I know that seeing him sitting whole and unscathed on the couch was more than I could process in the moment. I think this was my first experinece with true shock. I could not stop crying and absorbing exactly what had just transpired in a matter or moments was hard.

 

There were explanations to the police officer and phone calls to the tow truck, more pacing and the asking of 'what-if'. What if the pristine Mercedes Benz did not stop him in his tracks? What if he made it onto the busy, main road ahead? What if someone had been walking down the road? What if....but he was safe and sound and so was everyone else. The thought completely overwhelmed me. It made the details of the police report, insurance phone calls and monetary expenses seem positively trivial. We could have been planning very different details. But we weren't.

 

We are so grateful for our family that helped us during this scary event. Ethan knew he had made a really bad choice, that his actions resulted in something serious. I believe that he is still processing what he did. We'll all work through it together.

 

As one of Dennis' aunts was sweeping up debris at the accident scene, she found something among the shards of broken glass. She walked toward me with a closed fist telling me to look at what she had found - a stirling silver, four leaf clover charm - a typical symbol of 'luck'. It did not belong to anyone we knew and there it was lying with the broken pieces. I don't believe in luck, but I do believe in signs. I can't say that I know all the messages delivered by this event - but I am thankful for what God did for us and still listening to what message He has in store for our family. I am listening.

This could have been a tragedy, instead it is an inconvenience. We've developed new skills and more wisdom - you're kids have to be alive for you to want to kill them! We woke this morning grateful to hear Ethan's laughing at his shows.

Sick & Tired

I've been sick and tired. I am not comfortable with either of those states. I developed a fever for a few days and an extremely sore thoat. Sometimes it was so sore I couldn't think straight. It made me think about people for whom choronic illness is something they live with. I knew very well that my illness would pass and that in several days (oh, the horror!) I would be well again. I know people who live with an illness or a limitation on a daily basis and yet persevere with such grace and dignity. I thought about the frustration they must feel when they need to tend to their own physical needs rather than something else they would rather be doing. I realized how much I rely on my own strength and health and spent a lot of time being so grateful for that gift. Being sick makes me panicky, feeling like I might not be able to meet everyone's needs or get done the things that I deem 'necessary'. I feel like I had the chance to develop some empathy. It's not that I've never been sick before, but maybe I was just in a place that I could listen to the message.

Because I was sick, I was really tired. There is not a physical feeling that strikes fear into me more than tiredness does. I am unfamiliar with it ~ I have been gifted with an extrodinary amount of physical energy. Coupled with the fact that I have also been gifted 4 boys, none of whom are short on energy, I am exceedingly blessed. I realiz that many people who live with chronic fatigue for one reason or another can no more control that as I can the fact that I rarely feel it. I am so sorry if this is something that plagues you. I hope I used this time that frustrated me so much to improve my compassion for others.

I've been a little introspective lately. I realize how easy it is for any of us to covet the gifts that others have been given. I am amazed by moms who are really organized and never miss an appointment and women who can prepare delicious and varied meals night after night. I am sure I could make a whole list of things that challenge me. Maybe I will sometime. I am feeling better, and I am hoping that I am better for it.

 I recently took these pictures on a day out at Duke Farms in Hillsborough.

I have been working hard on improving my photography.